Elsien's Traveblogue

Views from the Nicholls Tower – November 2007

Why am I not happy? I have just transferred my pictures from India, Pakistan, Oman, Egypt and Greece from CD to this computer and I feel like there is a big hole inside me. I was happy there. Every day I woke up, I felt happy. I felt as if I were doing what I wanted to do and I looked forward to another day. Never mind that sometimes I felt tired, or that sometimes I missed my family or wanted to talk to friends, sometimes I even wanted to stop travelling and settle somewhere, but the overall feeling was one of perfect happiness and fulfillment.

I do not feel happy now. This seems strange, as I have much more to feel happy about.

I have a great relationship with a lovely man who seems to care about me a lot. Granted, I only see him one weekend in two on average, but I wouldn't want to be tied down to anything more at the moment and I speak to him every day. We have agreed to spend a week together at Christmas – I enjoy being with him, we have lots of good conversation, fun, nice dinners, companionship, we enjoy arguing about politics, philosophy, the meaning of life, the Universe and share a love of literature, theatre, movies, music and great sex, what more do I want?

He has set up for me to have an interview for an extremely prestigious job, so why can I not feel more excited about this? He has asked me to come and spend a week or so on some idyllic Swedish island with him in the summer, he is going to meet my family in another 2 or 3 weeks – everybody is excited about that, what is wrong with me?

I have a lovely flat which is warm now as well – the views are great, the place is comfortable – why don't I feel more happy?

OK, my current job is not wonderfully inspiring, but it's only 2 days a week, it brings in enough money for me to live on. I like my colleagues there, I even quite like the evening class and from time to time the Psychology work. I have enough savings to support my youngest son for a bit and I shouldn't have to worry too much about replenishing them – he has always been good at repaying, the Inland Revenue still owes me money (just have to fill in and send off the form, will do that tomorrow and I'll have another month's rent. I am still on the emergency tax code, so that means they owe me another £500,- in tax already); I have a good relationship with my other son as well and I have loads of friends, get on well with my family – WHY AM I NOT HAPPIER?????

Comments please!

posted by Elsien Gale  # 4:31 AM